I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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