Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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