i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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