Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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