I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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