Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Drunk is a universal language darling
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
