swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
