so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
