Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
