im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
