My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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