so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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