so that wasnt chicken after all
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm experimenting with sincerity
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
