I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
