That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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