I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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