I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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