I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
