I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
