coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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