Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
tell me about the fingering
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
