i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
