wanna go halves on a baby?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
