Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm passing your future prison.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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