Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
