Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
