areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
