im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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