I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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