sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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