Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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