my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
