there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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