i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
