R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
