Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
