sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
