Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
