Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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