If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
