It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
