i love accidental penises.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
