Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
