2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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