just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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