you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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