It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
