dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
