I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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