drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
