if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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